雅思作文
这样能得多少分~！可以的话提些意见，我的qq***********
（1）~The graph, presented in a column chart, shows the result of a survey of the estimated life expectancy of aboriginal identity groups in 1991. There are 6 groups in this chart including Registered Indian, Non-registered Indian, Métis, Inuit, total aboriginal and total Canadian.
Generally speaking, the estimated life expectancy of female aboriginal identity exceeds that of males whilst Métis has the lowest estimated age expectancy and total Canadian has the highest among the 6 groups.
As is illustrated in bar chart, the females in each of the country estimated a longer live than the males did. It is interesting to note that the estimated age of females in the total Canadian (over 80) is 20 years longer than the estimated life expectancy of the male Inuit. It’s also worth mentioning that the estimated life expectancy of male non-registered Indian, male Métis, Female Inuit and male of total aboriginal are approximately the same which is around 70.
In summary, it is clear that the female among the 6 groups estimated longer life than the males and the people in Canada has a higher estimated life expectancy of aboriginal identity than the other 5 countries.
（2）
The two pie charts show the proportion of the changes in the marital status of Canadians Aged 15 an over in 1901 and 1996
Generally speaking, the chart of 1996 is divided into 6 broad categories which are Singe, Common-law, Widowed, Divorced, Separated and Married, whereas, the graph of 1901 is classified into only 4 parts including Single, Widowed, Divorced and Married.
As can be seen in the first graph, Married has the largest proportion which accounted for 52.7%. The next is Single, making up 41.5%, followed by widowed which is 6.3%. Divorced in the chart has the smallest percentage of only 0.05%.
Similarly, the married people still accounts the highest percentage for 51.1%in 1996. In comparison with the Single in 1901, the percentage sharply decreased to 27.0% whilst the proportion of the widowed people remained approximately the same. It must be pointed that there are two new categories in 1996, common-law and separated, which accounts for 8% and 2.6%respectively. It’s also interesting to mention that the number of the divorced people had increased more than one-hundred fold from 1901 to 1996.
It can be included that, the proportion of the married people may have remained constant of roughly 50% whereas more categories of marital status may come up
参考答案:for No.1
i would say 6--6.5
there are few long sentences which have some structure mistakes and 'stupid'(sorry, this is what my teacher called it) mistakes such as 'each of the country'.
and i guess you like the word 'estimated' very much
No.2
6.5-7
there is a repetition in paragragh 2.
and the conclusion is a little bit weak
if u have futher questions, u can email me
i v been UK for a while, maybe i can offer some help
k.zhang@surrey.ac.uk